Monday, June 18, 2007

I Am an Insecure Poem


I am a bad poem;
but I'd like to be a good poem.

Filled with profound sentiments
and backed strong verbs.
With metaphors and symbols
of might
that are universal in their
recognition as such
by the milieu of assholes
who arbitrate Good and Bad;
The bitter critics who know
that their wives and husbands
sex their mail carriers after
lustily burning all the good
news they were ever due
before they got back to bed.

So instead...
I must be a bad poem.
Filled with words many
discriminate against:
Concussed, Arrhythmia,
Terminal, Fetid, Glans
Cockless, Schizophrenia,
Excrement, Dildo, Cunt,
Jackhole, Analingus,
Whoremongering,
Hatemongering, Genocide,
Anycide, Inquisition
Torture, Damnation,
Lobotomize, Aggrandize,
Penalize and Sodomize

All of these shit-suck words
and structure of superior
vs. inferior, heaven’s chosen
vs. hell’s misshapen children
mark me as a limited
and feeble creature--
They say I am a reflection
of the one who created me,
something to be judged
on an unknown day and hour
when no judgment is sought,
mortal or divine.

Tell me,
one more time
how can I be more
than all that I am.

Tell me how bad I am
and let our words touch
tongues one last time
before I walk to the moon
or stomp on this bar
kicking every loved face
and every loved drink
in the name of
good or evil,
or Him
or Her.

Just tell me:
tell me
tell me that I
am a bad poem
so I can cry,
so maybe
I can just
fade away,
like one more quiet lie
waiting for me
on your closed lips.

33 comments:

eric313 said...

Am I bad? Thought so when I wrote this.

neko said...

you're an eloquent poem. rough and raw, vulgar, but

honest.

and in honesty lies truth.

great poem.

now, let's see you make one that rhymes.

kidding!

i feel the same way. all the time.

Susan Miller said...

You're not bad.

You don't suck.

You have to be.

You must not fade away.

Keep writing, my friend.

Princess Pointful said...

This poem was delicious (figuratively, of course, because the actually flavour of it would likely taste quite bad with all those nasty words)

I love how the first line caught me off guard, yet set the tone so well.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Begin at the beginning, walk the full circle, end up where you started.
No matter where you go, you'll always end up where you're meant to be.

Or - take it from Alice in Wonderland:
Alice: Which was should I go?
Cat: Where do you want to end up?
Alice: I don't know...
Cat: Then it doesn't matter which way you'll go...

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Two thumbs fresh, baby

Crashdummie said...

If I say “you are a bad poem” like “the quiet lie on my lips”, wouldn’t it mean that you are actually totally talented?

In that case: You’re a bad poem! ;)

Behind Blue Eyes said...

Well, insecure poem, it's hard to tell the truth when there are so many around who will tell you that you are wrong. But the half of life that needs to be talked about is the half that doesn't get talked about enough. If it did, then perhaps it would decrease to some extent.

karma lennon said...

Amazing imagery....story of my life....good job. :)

Bardouble29 said...

I like that you use words that make the poem come alive.

I have always written vivid imagery poems.

MyUtopia said...

Cool, "bad" poem. I love the picture at the top.

eric313 said...

Well thank you all. I wrote this a few weeks back--good thing, since I haven't been able to write very well at all lately, with way to many distractions. Not that blogging is a distraction, no...

Neko

Sweet. But rhyming? I'm not that multitalented. I'm rather uni- talented. But yeah, that's the old inner gut digesting itself on the page.

Susan Miller
I don't suck at all, do I?
I will not f-f-fade away
I won't let that happen
And you know when I need your help the most. Bless you.

Princess Pointful
Hahahaha Yes, you are correct in you assertion about taste.
the first line is the best. It does sound like a quiet little poem that won't cause trouble at first.

Hart of Darkness
Alice in wonderland, what a great thing to remind me of, the full circle (fool circle?) that we all walk when not looking for any particular direction.

You know? I if have trouble writing poems, I should come here and get poetic ideas from my responses from all of you.

eric313 said...

Look at me, milking the comments! I'm such a bad poem, hahaha
Remember, it is the poem that is bad--although, I guess I'd have to say that my poem reflects on me.
Or should I borrow a term like claptrap? I'm sure that's find. How else do you get claptrap except through borrowing it.

Ultra Toast
Thanks! Fresh thumbs always take not-so-fresh thumbs out of the picture, any time. Thanks and I'll see you around.

Crashdummie
I am a bad poem and that is a damn good thing, it seems. Thanks for noticing that last line. It meant the most to me because it reperesents the desperate reaching out that we do too often when we feel this way--even though validation from someone else is not as important as what we think of ourselves. It is still a comfort to seek.

BehindBlueEyes
That is true. True all the way around; but it would be so weird to write a happy poem. I can be in the middle or in the muck or a mix. Thanks for coming by.

Karma Lennon
Welcome and thank you for your kind words. My life could use a better story, too. Glad for the input and see you all soon

Bardouble
Thanks. The words were almost too much for this one. The put it up over the top, that's for sure.

eric313 said...

myutopia
and thank you for dropping by. Glad to see you, you are an almost ethereal presence that I welcome.

Now, if you ever wanted to criticize, you have a literary mind and I would only thank you for for offering anything at all. I am not that insecure of a poem!

Danny Tagalog said...

No insecurity comes through to this reader. Interesting imagery...

mist1 said...

I never ask people to tell me that I'm bad. On the contrary, I urge them to tell me how incredible I am. If no one will say it, I'll say it to myself...

And still, I think I get those last lines.

Blancodeviosa said...

it doesn't need to be insecure. it's eloquent and moving.

eric313 said...

Danny
Thanks for the input. It does take a cocky sonovabiznass to write and post something like this.
Thanks.

Mist1
Glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, the last lines--thats the part that tries to connect it to another person, reaching out of the maelstrom of bad feeliong to become one with all the little lies that we all tell to each other, about ourselves, about others. That's what a kiss in the dark trully is all about, one more layer of reality peeled away while tring to love, even temporarily. Thanks.

And of course I need to stop telling people how bad I am. Terrible, just terrible.

eric313 said...

Blancodeviosia
Thanks for the compliment. Everybody is eloquent until the moment they slip and their foot flies into their mouth like a piston made exactky to fit between the teeth.
I'm always good at that, contributing much to my climaxing detriment.

I need to retitle this:

"eloquent self-absorbed whining"

Don't know about anyonme else, but I'm likin' that!

Thanks, Blancodeviosa

eric313 said...

that's what it looks like in retrospect, anyway. Thanks

the walking man said...

Why bother to open up a can of whoopass on yourself when there are so many other people and things that deserve the sword of words that you wield?

We are poets of a generation of silent ears that listen and do not hear, we are not of the generation of Bach or Mozart, that enrapture people with our words by the thousands like the final note of a concerto resounding off the wall of great halls.

We work in a place of absolute silence hoping, just hoping that maybe one mind is reached and changed from wanting to kill what is good and replace it with evil.

Are you bad? you're not as bad as I am, I could kick your ass an hour after my next surgery and you know it, but you do and can run well with the big dogs and don't stay on the porch...so no I would have to say you are good, remember the good guys dress in black.

peace

TWM

eric313 said...

Mark. This is always welcome. You even had tension on the ass kicking part. And I still laughed!

You know I wrote this back when I was a wee pissant--you, know, last month. It felt fitting. The other night, I had a nice Sunday with a close wonderful friend of the red haired persuasion and then I went to the hospital and talked to my grandmother as shge struggled on a ventilator. I got her to calm down. I'm getting the hospital story out as we speak and it may take some time. But I came home. *%#@* Now everything feels so fraudulent it sickens my bleeding guts. Hope god sorts it all out since I am powerless except for my words.

Thanks foir the encouragement

ann said...

thank you for visiting
my poetry place;
I'm curious how you found
it, since I thought it was
hidden in the shade
like a wallflower

back to your poem

wow, double wow...
it is far far from bad...
it is so original and nothing
like I have ever read before;
very powerful use of words

it's really good, not at
all bad but whata lota
naughty naughty words...
oooooooh

Trevor Record said...

Hey guy,

That was a wonderful list of words, every single one elicits a response. Discriminate against such words? Who?

skinnylittleblonde said...

Hahahaha...
How could I ever tell you that you are a bad poem? I am evil, but not a liar...I'll leave the lying part for the outside party mentioned in your closing lines.

Though...sometimes it does seem as if someone out there could tell us why or how we are so bad, that it would add validation to the crappy feelings we sometimes have rooted within.

P&L Eric

Bardouble29 said...

You can get in contact with me by emailing me at bardouble29@msn.com.

Kaufman said...

To paraphrase a line from the Jerry McWhatshisname (), you had me at 'Schizophrenia'.

;)

Still elbow deep in marking @ the mo but have bookmarked 8 Mile and slapped an asterisk near the title for future perusal.

Write well. Write Shell (petroleum company sponsored editorial comment).

Kaufman said...

Holy breakfast! I didn't write anything betwixt the parenthesis in the comment above. It was supposed to read: 'cultural train wreckage'. (And the 'the' shouldn't be there either! Egad!)

Bardouble29 said...

I am linking you BTW.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Good idea - we're all full of them! ;)

eric313 said...

Ann:
I found you when I was wandering the land of nod, looking for poets.
Glad I am to find London Love Verse. The world needs more places like it.

Trevor:
It took some doing to compile that compost pile. Thanks.

SLB:
Thanks, but if I ever deserved to be told that, what would I do? And it would be nice to have a cosmic force to tell us whenever we screwed up, before someone else notices. Thanks

Barb: Thank you once more for the invite. It will be interesting. A Poet's Corner. A small, good thing.

Andy Kaufman:
Thanks for the shout. Yes, I got the reference. He's a far worse poem than I could ever be.

barb and hart:
thanks for helping me hit thirty!
woo-hoo

eric313 said...

at its heart, I can say that this poem was an entertaining rant--like if the hospital scene from Mcmurtry's "All My Friends Are Going To Be Strangers" were performed by the spirit of Tyler Durden.

That's inspiration. It's not always what it's cracked up to be, and you thank God whwne it works out.

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