Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Days Die Younger and Younger

Every drop mixes,
the small drop of sadness trickles
and runs and falls
flowing to the great sorrow
the sea of one night's eternity.

something one cannot know
until they have tasted
the name of these waters
mixing until they are one,
until they know
the taste of poison
or the warming light--
a resurrection of two,
of one

the days die younger and younger
the rain falls every night
soon it will be winter
and the blood boils hot

to mix with the waters
of your river~on your soft shore

and know that every drop was given
to me to bathe my immortal soul
in its quiet murmurs, total embrace.


Top: A river. A big one, too. I think it's in Australia. I think it's called the Trist. Very cool name for a vessel that carries water forward to mix with other water, as this shot is from the very edge of where the river meets the sea. Very poetic and Raymond Carver-esque, as well.

Middle: I loves me some fractal art.

Bottom: A view toward the center of our galaxy. Click that one, you won't be disappointed by the larger view. The giant black hole in the center will only hurt you if you think it will.

Thanks for all the great thoughts and wishes.

My aunt has had her major surgery, removing a large tumor that had been causing the bulk of her problems with speaking and balance. However its all very temporary, in spite of the fact that she has some of the best doctors available. Maybe the best we can hope for is just the chance to speak to her again. There isn't much more that can be done, because the cancer has spread to too many places. But I hope to at least be able to speak to her. At least one more time. Even if anything at all is too much to ask so might as well ask for it all, if I ask for anything.

Except sometimes when I ask for everything. It's good to be optimistic when you can, I've always thought.

Last month, she was exactly as she always was, running around everywhere and staying in everyone's business except her own. I often asked her if she felt OK, and took it for granted when she would invariably answer "fine", or tell me about an upcoming doctor's appointment that she apparently always called off on and never told anyone about. She drives and is fully capable, even seeing to all of her friend's getting to the doctor on time, and doing community work. She never gave any hint of this and must have hid her pain.

And very suddenly, everything is at an end from which there is no turning away.

Everything is marching toward an end I can fend off only with prayers, wishes and hope. But it pains me most that my one year old niece will never know this lady who was like a guardian of every sort during the lives of her mother and I. I can only hope we have learned enough from her to teach children, hers or my own later on, the love that we know and teach what it means to care above and beyond normal, everyday life.

Angels are living people and my aunt Theresa is one of them. She loves the piano and singing when she thinks nobody hears her. She speaks English, French, Latin, a little Spanish and Italian. She knows as many cheesy Star Wars lines as anyone, and always loved saying "let the wookie win!" when people were being disagreeable. She helped me to get my first guitar and some lessons and drove me to many a band practice or gig, even risking life and limb during a few blizzards (the show must go on).

I have the greatest hope for her, and she has the strongest love and support from the family around her. But it is really hard to ignore that a time limit has been set. I feel she can fight, and I know she will, but I also don't want her to suffer. It's one of those terrible and beautiful things, to know ultimate love and to have to say goodbye to the one individual who personified it.

I told her people from around the world have wished her success and a speedy recovery. That there's all kinds of good people around the world who care enough to not stay out, but to give words to the wish, no matter how modestly worded. She is greatful to everyone who has been so kind as to put into words any thoughts on the subject.

Your comments about anything to do with the pics and the poems, your best wishes, your love and all that sweet jazz have helped me out greatly, as well.

You all are in my thoughts, too.


Peace out

28 comments:

singleton said...

"the sea of one night's eternity"

Ah, sweet friend, you hold time in your hand, racing, fighting, praying for another day, another moment, another word....and
each second is eternity waiting...
each moment, the gift....

I wish you peace,
in holding on,
to each golden thread,
in letting go if the angels talk,
in saying so.....

Love grows......

Josie said...

Oh, Eric, all I can say is that your aunt is lucky to have you with her on her final journey. There is nothing else anyone can say that will console you. It's not fair that this should be happening to her now. Sometimes all we can pray for is strength, and somehow we find it.

I pray for strength for you and your family, Eric. And, I think you're a very good person! I can tell by your writing.

Josie

Ant said...

"Let the wookie win!"

:-)

Crashdummie said...

Your aunt sounds like an amazing, strong, wonderful woman, and I am sure her cheerfull outlook on her life makes this difficult journey easier...

... and having you on her side. My prayers & thoughts goes out to her, just like I'm sure everyone who have read this have been touched.

How can you not totally be smittened by such a strong personality who quotes star wars. I agree with her, "let the wookie win"...

Sandy Kessler said...

The greatest legacy gift we give anyone is to pass on their essence in every way . She knew she knew..Take what is so her and pass it on everywhere.. sk

'soulless' said...

something one cannot know
until they have tasted
the name of these waters
mixing until they are one,
until they know
the taste of poison
or the warming light--
a resurrection of two,
of one


This stanza is, most sincerely and humbly, my current favorite among your works so far. Fluid, with a natural rhythm, and so evocative that its message lingers, with the words not making any demand, but sharing an emotion so real.

Now, I am at a loss for words to express the comfort I (though only a stranger to you) would like to give to you and your loved ones, in these difficult times. Know that I wish you and your family and your aunt much love and bond.

ivan said...

Thirty years later, I'm still in the bar scene from Starwars
But your memories of your first guitar and your aunt helping to get it, remind me too of my own youth and a special relative.
I hope a miracle will happen, though isn't it true that the good die young.
Seems half my friends are dead, and they were all good. And my own aunt is healthy, though my uncle is not.
Sometimes wonder if life is not a game of toss.

eric1313 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eric1313 said...

Singleton

You know how that song and dance goes. You know how it's done. You and Skinny and Kimbies and all the others that we know. Every one of you knows the worst case scenario, but what do you do when this is it.

I don't even know what to say.

You're a great friend of mine and I hope you always are.


Still, listless
broken on the vine
drying
The rains haven't fallen for a season
and they won't come for a season more

And it's still yet worse for her
I'm just the guy with the nice words
there's not much else
for me to do but use them
as everything lies so still
that it could be frozen forever
waiting for the rains
that might never come
or not in time
to save the most
beautiful of all vines

and let lesser ones like mine
shrivel and be blown away

let all the rain fall
if only for the love of one

eric1313 said...

Josie

You have no idea how nice it is to hear you say that. All of it. All I want to do is try to concentrate on my writing, my music, my tiny little life and the few good folks I'm lucky enough to know. The rest of the world is what always gives me a problem.

Peace out, Josie. Thanks for the words of support once more. Its always just nice to see that in writing.

eric1313 said...

Ant

She says that all the time. Even where it didn't necessarily apply. But not falsely; she seemed to just liked the phrase and adopted it as her own.

I've heard worse, as far as mantras go.

eric1313 said...

Crashy

Glad to see you around again, my friend. Let the wookie win.

That's saying a lot of things

And you say a lot to, and it's all good. Cheers, mate.

And like that, the ocean is a tiny puddle for just second.

eric1313 said...

Sandy

She loved everyone around her, so that's what I do. She'd listen to the stories people had to say before she judged them. She gave everyone in life a second chance.

Thank you for your words. You rock, my friend.

eric1313 said...

Souless

You read my stuff really well. I like your interpretations and just the comments, too. Thanks for your visits here.

And especially the good vibes you send. I wish the best to you and your family, as well.

eric1313 said...

Ivan

Evil seems to live know matter what. It scrounges off the good and bad alike, any one it can, and it somehow flourishes on garbage wrought all around it.

We are hoping for peace over anything--but a miracle is in our of our wishes.

Just a little more time. That's it.

Thanks for the visits, as always.

Peace out, everyone.

Palm Springs Savant said...

hey bro- that was very cool.

Isadora said...

We forget that dieing is also a natural part of life. It is a temporary parting until we meet again in a world without pain. You and your aunt are very lucky to have each other for this passage of her life. We all pray we will be making the journey with someone we love by our side.

The photos are great. :) I think most of us are afraid of the "black hole" because it is the unknown.

Peace.

Bemused said...

My thoughts are with you both.

I like how you combine the text and the photographs and the explanations to accompany each post.

eric1313 said...

Palm Springs savant

Thanks and welcome to the site.


Isadora

Welcome, to you too.

Thank you for the sweet words. We are all lucky to have family that loves us. The journey is made so much sweeter with them at our sides.

eric1313 said...

Bemused

Thank you so much. And welcome. :)

Yeah, I started doing that on a lark, but now I do it all the time, since its fun and a lot of folks tell me they like my writing better than they like poems, so this gives them something more.

Thanks for the visit!

benjibopper said...

i want any future nieces and nephews to see me as you see your aunt. 'let the wookie win' is an awesome mantra. when people ramble on at me about nothing i often invoke the mr. burns mantra: 'yes, well, that's enough about fliz-flaz and him-ham, get to the bloody point!'

my only advice, read her your poetry, especially the last couple. read her your words and let her know while you can, i imagine she'd love it, even if she isn't in a position to be all that responsive right now.

Maithri said...

What beautiful words,

and what a beautiful soul you are my friend.

Gods tender blessings be with her and you now and always,

Love, M

Gillian @ Indigo Blue said...

OH Eric
How awful for your Aunt and your family. I hope if this is the beginning of the end that there is little suffering, much love, much grace and much faith.
I know (keep telling myself anyways) that God calls us all back home when our time is at hand. We are here but a blink-of-an-eye, and in this vast reality, when sometimes days seem like forever, why does a life coming to it's horizon seem like it's gone in a flash?
Make sure you go to her, spend time, tell her everything you need to. Have no regrets.
xoxo
Gillian

eric1313 said...

Benji

I will do that. I've certainly spent a lot of time with her during the week. And I will have yet more time to spend with her.

That's a great suggestion.

And I love Mr. Burns lines.
"Look at him, eating candy like a Spaniard"

Awesome.


Maithri

And those same blessings you know equally well.

You bring them with you everywhere!

Thanks for sharing them here with us. And I'll send them along to my aunt.

Peace...

eric1313 said...

Gillian

All those things you say, I understand them.

Her life is a treasure that we will keep long after she has passed. She will be immortal because of the kindness she taught me, the sense of humor she possessed, her own style and grace.

And yes, have no regrets. There's a good mantra. I will spend the time with her. It's all I have left and I will do it gladly.

Thank you.

mystic rose said...

Oh wow!!!

eric1313 said...

Rose

Thank you!!!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Lovely images and words--reading backwards hurt about your aunt so sorry.