Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Friends and Neighbors

Walking out your front door every morning, I shake off a night’s worth of stiffness and wave to a blank stare across the wounded asphalt divide. He’s a witness, a bystander; he knows too much to be left alive, too much about screams in the night, cries of ecstasy and rage and misunderstanding. He recognizes the criminal heart inside me—he says nothing, never waves back. You once told me he’s nice enough, two cars, three daughters bona-fide, widowed not a decade before; said he asked you when it would be his turn for a sunrise in your window. He wants to breeze in, to fight and growl a little, get the blood flowing enough to know if it’s pure love. After, he’ll try to drink everyone in town under the table, go to work, smack his boss silly, give himself a raise, tell the dogs all day long at the water hole what its like to walk out your door, though he’ll never know any of the right details: how you name stars in the night for your ex’s and track their auras through the seasons, how you wake up in stages—a storm battered vessel limping into harbor. But sadly, there is one detail he will never know: exactly how small of a space that I take while lying on your bedroom floor.

18 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

A killer of an ending line! Great.

eric1313 said...

Thank you Mr. Charles! That's an emphatic comment indeed.

I'll take it and run!

Anonymous said...

Magic spinning the small into large here...profound & beautiful as always
skinny

eric1313 said...

Skinny

As observant as ever, I see...

Thank you for the read and for the words of praise.

Peace at ya~

benjibopper said...

yup, great ending, tho I think there might be a couple extra words in there, a typo of some sort. But I get the point and it's a good left hook.

would be cool to hear the story from the other guy's perspective too, and the woman's.

glad you're back at it.

connell said...

now, that's way cool!

eric1313 said...

Benji

Thank you sir! Glad to be back!

Your proof reads are as important as any comment. And yes, there was n extra "the' right in the middle of that line... good eye. I'm a typo machine, and yet, I more often than not produce a typo right at the worst place to have one. it never ceases to amaze me...

Thanks for the drop by read, and I'll be around to see your work sir.

eric1313 said...

Connell

Thank you! Glad to see new faces too! I'll drop by to visit some time soon. See ya!

Princess Pointful said...

That last line was electric. I love it. There is something compelling about trying to see things through the eyes of another while your own perspective remains intact.

Thanks for the kind words. Life is still absurdly complicated, and isn't looking to get untangled anytime soon. I'm trying to just be comfortable with the mess, but I'm afraid it is a little against my nature!

And, yes, we soon will both be great lakers. I'm wondering how the lakes will compare with the ocean.

X. Dell said...

I think I know this guy.

Nice character description

i beati said...

interesting

Kate S said...

Good stuff! :) And I agree with X.Dell on the characterization - very good job.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I'd name stars for my long-gone damaged lovers - if I thought I wanted to see them in the night again.

benjibopper said...

Great pic with this one btw.

Robert stokes said...

Jim Jones is going to be resurrected do you want to know when and where?

eric1313 said...

Thanks guys! Love you all.

But not so much Jim Jones...

Anonymous said...

I love it . My fav. so far.

eric1313 said...

Thank you anon, I value the folks like you who just want to say what they mean and nothing more.