I'm sure all of you know how much I dislike like most rhyming schemes, and not sure how this would work to music (would need a lot more work...), but hey, this one did make me laugh a bit, so if you felt the same impulse, it's all good.
It sounds much like a song, although you'd probably need some kind of chorus. I like the rhythm, although I'm with you that a little clear rhyme goes a long way.
I think it works here--sounds like a song, as Charles said. I'm with you on not typically writing in rhyme (poetry or not,) but there's something to be said for the creativity challenge of writing that way.
you rhymedand it had a good feel to it. good job and such.
I like it. I like it!--Ivan
...yea...and maybe together you can save the night...
Lust is a beautiful beast indeed.
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